Secretary's Solution
by kaztsar
Summary: To put it simply, Ranma becomes a secretary....


Secretary's Solution Chapter 1  
  
Disclaimer, I do not own the rights to either Ranma ½, nor All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Nuku Nuku  
  
  
  
Ranma was pissed. He read the writing on the wall; unfortunately the writing was an foreclosure notice of the dojo proper. Times have been tough for Ranma and Akane Tendo. Between paying off the student loans and dojo repairs they've had to take out a double mortgage (the dojo repairs almost exceeded that of the student loans.) Ranma taught a few classes, but enrollment has been way down, ever since Herb decided to stop by for a visit to talk about old times. Somewhere during the evening, they decided that they really didn't like each other all that much, and nearly destroyed half of Nerima after a few choice insults.  
  
After that last. incident, what was once considered a town quirk soon became a town liability. Property taxes when up, construction crews were called in, and a big fat fine was on the Tendo doorstep by late afternoon.  
  
'Shit', thought Ranma, 'I thought we had two more months to come up with the money!' Ranma ripped the eviction notice as he entered the only home he's ever known, saying in no less then certain terms that they had only a week to get their kiesters out of Dodge. 'Soun's gonna kill me!'  
  
Ranma walked into the kitchen, all the while reading the notice. He would have to start making dinner before Akane got home, otherwise she would want to cook. Then that would mean that he would have to eat her food. And nobody wanted that.  
  
Then again, Kuno probably would, if what the notice said was true, it was his good ol' buddy Tatewaki that bought the mortgage. 'Maybe I'll go pay a visit to my old pal Tashi tomorrow. Damn jackass still probably sore about the wedding. And the first anniversary, and probably not being invited to the fifth either; bastard can sure hold a grudge.' Ranma takes an ice coffee from the fridge and heads toward the living room, all the while thinking about what to do about the dojo.  
  
Just then he hears the door open. "Ranma!" Ranma walks over to see his sister-in-law walking from the door. "Care to explain this?" She says as she slams some papers onto the coffee table.  
  
Ranma picks them up, "well. it looks to me like it's paper, formed from compressing wood pulp into-"  
  
"Don't get smart with me you jerk! Those are the copies of the foreclosure form! You lost the dojo! How can you be such an idiot!"  
  
"Hey! How'd you find out! I only just found out now!"  
  
Nabiki gives Ranma a hard look, "I have my ways, but trust me, it as much to do with your stupidity as it does with Kuno's pettiness, which is why I decided to be so kind as to not make your life a living hell!"  
  
"Oh, you mean like highschool?"  
  
Nabiki just stares into Ranma's eyes, "I'll make high school look like kiddie day camp if I thought you deserved it. But I know that you didn't do any of this on purpose. You were just a fool in thinking you could do it yourself. By the way, how come you didn't call me, I would have helped you out financially!"  
  
"Call you? Ha! I'd end up owing you for the rest of my life!"  
  
"Better me then the bank!"  
  
"In who's perspective?"  
  
Nabiki took a big breath, 'This is not happening this is not happening this is not happening this is not happening this is not happening.'  
  
"Ranma, I know that the job market is pretty bad right now, which is why I came here. I have in my knowledge of a job opening up at the company where I work!" Ranma shuddered at the grin on Nabiki's face. There were only three things in this would that could have made Ranma shudder like that. One was Kodashi's laugh, two was Tsusaba's fashion sense and three was the face that Nabiki was making right now. Ranma had nightmares for three weeks after Kodashi's and Tsusaba's wedding (a pink and black wedding. SCARY!). Hhe had a feeling that this might rank up there somewhere.  
  
Nabiki placed a folded piece of paper on the coffee table in front of Ranma. "Go ahead, brother dearest! Take a look, I think you'll be perfect for the job!"  
  
Ranma reached for the slip of paper and unfolded it. His eyes widened as he glared at Nabiki, "Secretary? What the hell do I know about being a secretary?"  
  
"Why Ranma, don't you remember say, 5 weeks ago? You had this challenge from some guy who practiced the fierce fighting style of Secretarial Martial Arts?"  
  
"Oh, you mean that guy from the Wu Sha? What a fruitcake! But why a secretary?"  
  
"Because, Ranma, of the few things that you are actually qualified to do, there are no openings for super powered martial artists that can level mountains with their bare hands! I know, I checked! AND YOU KNOW HOW THUROUGH I AM!"  
  
[enter Akane, stage left]  
  
Akane rushes into the room and wraps her arms around Ranma, "RANMA, RANMA! Guess what! Guess what? Good news! Good news! I just got back from the callback and I can hardly believe it myself! I got the part of Varya in 'The Cherry Orchard'" Akane then grabs Ranma in a bare hug and twirls him around in her glee, never noticing that they have a guest, and completely ignoring the tense aura that was already in the room as she came in. "This is a very good opportunity for me, Ranma. If I do a good performance, they'll put me on contract and you know what that means? STEADY WORK!! BWA HA HA HA HA!"  
  
"Hey sis," deadpanned Nabiki. "So you'll finally be getting some work, eh? Exactly how much will you be getting paid?" Akane suddenly froze stiffed.  
  
"Well, I won't get paid at first. I mean, it is a traveling show."  
  
"WHAT? You mean you're taking this show on the road?" asked Akane's husband.  
  
Akane turned to her husband with dewy eyes, "But, but, but don't you see, Ranma, this is going to be a good boost to me as an actress! Please, Ranma, this could be my big break!"  
  
"I dunno, Akane-chan, this sounds like an all too convenient plot device."  
  
"You just don't think I can do this, do you?"  
  
"Well, you can't cook, you can't clean, you can't swim, and you drive like a violent maniac, but this I'm sure you can do, but. but. but."  
  
Akane, gritting her teeth, "BUT?"  
  
"But I'd miss you," Ranma finally lets out.  
  
Akane wraps her arms around her beloved, "That's so sweet! I'll miss you too while I'm touring with the company!" And Akane blissfully frolics to their room to pack for her tour.  
  
Nabiki and Ranma just stared at each other, each trying their hardest not to face-fault.  
  
"You know," breaks in Nabiki, "you still have to tell her you lost the house."  
  
"Hey, why do I have to tell her that we lost the house?"  
  
"You did marry her, may I remind you."  
  
"Oh yeah.."  
  
Just then, Akane walks back in the room, "Yo sis, Ranma-chan has something to tell you!"  
  
"Yes, what is it Ranma?" Akane was starting to look very nervous.  
  
"Well, you see. well, umm. it's. well. it's kinda like this. you see,"  
  
"WILL YOU SPIT IT OUT ALREADY?"  
  
"WE LOST THE HOUSE!"  
  
There's a moment of pause, where not one word is said, "Whew, I thought you were going to tell me that I couldn't go on the tour!"  
  
"But Akane, we lost our house! Our home!"  
  
"But there's nothing we can do about it, so why worry about it! Hey! I know, why don't you come on tour with me! It'll be fun!"  
  
"Ahem," interrupted Nabiki, "if I might interject," she interjected, "having fun, though, may be fun, it doesn't however pay the bills!"  
  
"But we have no more bills anymore, didn't you hear, Ranma lost the house!"  
  
"I DID NOT LOSE THE HOUSE!"  
  
"Well, it's not ours anymore, so what would you call it?"  
  
"AKANE! This is as much your fault as it is Ranma's, IF you two needed money, or even advice then you could have come to me. But no, both of you are too stubborn, arrogant, and stupid to know when to ask for help! And to think, I came over to tell Ranma about this job opening at my office-"  
  
"There's a job opening at your office for Ranma? That's Great! You could watch Ranma so he doesn't go off flirting with other girls while I'm away!"  
  
"Unfortunately, now that you two are without home, this does complicate matters because there's NO PLACE TO SEND THE PAY CHECK! So Akane, what would you suggest we do?"  
  
There was a moment of silence.  
  
Then, there was another moment of silence.  
  
Finally Nabiki got frustrated and said, "FINE! He can stay over at my place!" She swiveled over and pointed at Ranma, "BUT THERE BETTER NOT BE ANY MORE PRINCES COMING OVER TO KIDNAP ME, OR I'LL BE REALLY UPSET!" Nabiki thought for a second, "Well, if they're looking for a wife, you could introduce me or something, but no fighting, and no kidnapping, OR ELSE!"  
  
Ranma nervously shook his head, "Ok, ok! I promise!"  
  
"Ok then, I'll go off and get you an appointment, and you better be there! I'll call you tonight!" And with that, Nabiki left.  
  
'Hey' thought Ranma, 'I didn't agree to anything!'  
  
Ranma was about to go catch up to Nabiki when, "Hey Ranma, you didn't make dinner today, so look what I made you!" Akane came back into the room, holding up. something. "It' a soufflé!" Certainly didn't look like it. And how could she make, whatever that is in less then 2 minutes?  
  
  
  
That night, Akane was sound asleep, giggling. No really, she was giggling in her sleep! Ranma was waiting patiently by the phone, waiting for Nabiki to call.  
  
"Ring Ring Ring" said the phone. (Yes, this is exactly what the phone said. Off my back!)  
  
Ranma, with a shaky hand picked up the phone, "Hello?"  
  
"Hello, brother dear! I got you an interview! It turns out that one of the people who is conducting the interview owes me a favor, so you're pretty much a shoe in!"  
  
"Nabiki, there's. ummm.. something I wanted to talk to you about.."  
  
"You don't feel comfortable working as a secretary as a guy, right?"  
  
"Well, that was part of it."  
  
"Not to worry! I got the Interview for Ranko Tendo! Be at Mishima Heavy Industries at 11:30 tomorrow morning! And wear the best girl clothes you have! We'll have lunch at 1:00, and Boncho's!" *click*  
  
Ranma was just standing there, phone in hand, 'I was going to tell to her to take this job and -  
  
1:07, Boncho's.  
  
Nabiki walks into Boncho's, to see Ranma-chan wearing a plaid skirt, with a white short sleeve button-up shirt with a bow-tie that matched her skirt.  
  
"Please tell me you didn't wear that to the interview!"  
  
"You said to wear my best girl clothes!"  
  
"I was thinking of a suit or something."  
  
"I don't have any suits! What the hell would I need a suit for?"  
  
"And you were wondering why you haven't got any jobs yet."  
  
"I wasn't looking for any jobs! I was perfectly happy as a karate instructor!"  
  
"Unfortunately, if being an instructor paid more then repairs, you wouldn't need me to get you a job."  
  
"That was low."  
  
"Low it may be, but true! Did they tell you anything about the job?"  
  
"No, but I gave them your cell phone number whe" *bring*  
  
Nabiki just looked squarely at Ranma as she answered the phone, "Hello, Nabiki Tendo here, who may I ask is speaking? Yes. Yes. Oh, she did, did she? I see. I see. I'll tell her then!" She then flips her phone off. "It seems, Ranko, that you are now in the realm of the recently employed. Unfortunately it wasn't me, as I was hoping, that got you as a secretary.?  
  
"You mean. you mean it was YOU that needed the secretary?"  
  
"Yes, it was. It seems that you made quite an impression with the interview staff. You will be the secretary for Mr. Hirogishiwa." Nabiki just stared at Ranma, almost pleadingly, "Please Ranma, you must promise me, no matter what he does, you won't hurt him!"  
  
"Nabiki, what are you talking about?"  
  
"Ranma, just promise me, whatever he says or does, JUST DON'T HURT HIM! I'll try to talk to him this afternoon, and see if I might be able to change it to someone who is. not so. objective in his views of male-female office relationships!" Ranma-chan just had this confused expression on her face, which even Nabiki had to agree was incredibly cute. 'Damnit Akane, why'd I have to promise you no more pictures?' Nabiki just shook the thoughts out of her head, and started digging into her purse, "Here's a spare key to my apartment, Ranma. Why don't you start moving the stuff out of your place and into mine. Whatever you don't need, sell! You'll need money for this afternoon."  
  
"Why do I need money for this afternoon?"  
  
Nabiki just turns back to Ranma, "Because you need some decent closes, Ranko. You look like a little school girl," Mr. Hirogishiwa's wet dream, "We need to get you something, a little more professional."  
  
Ranma nodded, he could. see the logic in that.  
  
End of chapter 1.. Tell me what you think! 


End file.
